Envello of Lemons (EnvyXMello)
by HiddenNecromancer
Summary: This is an EnvyXMello fanfiction! Envy and Mello use lemons to express their love...but Near is trying to get in the way...


Mello was playing with a lemon when he accidentally squeezed lemon juice into Envy's eye and he started crying.

"Ow! do you know how many lizards die of lemon attacks every year?"

"Oh don't be a baby, Envy! Or do you envy the lemon?" Mello scoffed.

"What do you mean?" Envy asked confusedly.

"You envy the lemon...don't you?"

Envy looked down and started crying.

"Yes! I do envy the lemon and now you know! oh, this is so embarrassing!" Envy sobbed.

Mello hugged Envy and tried to comfort him.

"It's alright, Envy." he said luvingly. "Lemons are such enviable creatures"

"Do you prefer the lemon over me?" Envy said between sobs, "It's not fair that you play with lemons and not me."

Mello smirked and picked up the lemon and handed it to Envy.

"We could play with the lemon together..." Mello said suggestively.

All of a sudden, there was a loud crash in the kitchen and there was Near, stealing all the lemons.

"Near! First you erase the existence of chocolate, now you steal our lemons?!"Mello said with angrily. Near looked at Mello andd Envy and said:" the lemons are to dangerous in your hands. you will destoy the world with the lemons"

"Let go of those lemons and give them back!" Mello shouted and jumped on Near.

They started to punch and kick at each other whilst rolling on the floor.

"Stop fighting!" Envy said and he turned into L with his humunculous powers.

but Near wasn't fooled! He punched Mello and stole the lemons before returning to Narnia.

"Ugh Near is so stupid! How could we destroy the world with lemons?" Mello said sadly.

"Shh shh...don't worry, at least we have each other." Envy said mythically.

"But we were supposed to play with the lemons together!" Envy said but then he got an idea.

Envy turned into a lemon in Mello's hands and Mello gasped.

"Oh my Shingami, what did you do, Envy?"

"now we can play with the lemons..."

Ch2

"No, Envy! I want us to be together!" Mello sadly.

"But now we can play wiht lemons!" Envy said back.

"Wait, I have a better idea!" Mello said and Envy returned to his normal form.

"We are going to steal the lemons back from Near!"

"How are we going to do that?" Envy asked.

"First we need to get to Narnia. Since we don't have Near's teleportation powers we'll need someone else's help, someone who can teleport." Mello said as he took a bite out of a chocolate.

"Then there's one person we need to tell. Roy mustang!" Envy said with a grin of determination.

"Yes! But doesn't that guy want to kill you or something?" Mello said.

"Not anymore because I am so adorable!" Envy said. " But how are you eating chocolate if Near erased its existence?"

Mello then realized that chocolate had fallen out of a magical portal to Narnia because Near forgot to close the portal. They looked through and saw a land of lemons.

Ch3

"That's a lot of lemons..." Envy noticed.

"Near's probably stealing all the lemons in the world and bringing them here." Mello said as he looked around through the heaps of yellow-ness emitting from the lemons.

"Well, let's just take a lemon and we can return." Mello continued.

"No! We need to get our lemon back! It's not just a lemon, it belongs to us and we were going to play with it together. We need to bring back that lemon from Near! It symbolizes our love!" Envy said.

"You're right, it _does_ symbolize our love!" Mello said, and so the two went to Near's castle to confront him.  
"Hey! You can't steal people's lemons like this! Don't underestimate the power of Envello!" Mello said.  
"...envelope...?" Near said thoughtful.  
"Ugh no! _Envello_ is our shlip name!" Mello said angrily.

"Oh wow. Some love you got there. I doubt it will work, Envy isn't even human." Near said like an asshole.

"Hey! don't you speak to Envy that way! Envy may be a homunculus but Envy has feelings and love too! And my love for Envy will never die out! Just like our lemons!" Mello said angrily and picked up a bunch of lemons and started hurling them at Near.

Near ducked behind his golden throne to shield himself from the lemon attack. "I need back up!" Near said into his wrist watch which was apparently a communications device.

Then, Near's back-up team materialized at the side of the room. One of the girls had short hair and glasses while the other looked like a rainbow of cats and cemeteries.

"No, she won't buy the lemon!" the one with short hair said, then conjured Bad who started probing the other one with a stick.

"Laura, you say that ciel and alois AND boys?!" she said. There was a painfully awkward silence.

"...I dont even know how to react to this..." Mello said, but it was all part of Near's plan! While Mello was being mentally scarred by the socially impaired back up team, Near kidnapped Envy!.

Ch4

"Noooo! Why you take him and not me?" Mello cried angrily and attacked Near's back-up team with the lemons and they melted into juice.

Near ran off with Envy and dragged him into a maze. It was a large maze made of stone and trees and it was all very confusing.

"The walls change and so Mello will not be able to find you!" Near told Envy.

"Why are you doing this!?" Envy said with tears in his eyes, "Why are you trying to stop our love?!"

"Because I am jealous of your romance!" Near said.

"But that's not fair! Why can't you just find a boy or girlfriend of your own?!" Envy said.

Near looked at the ground, embarassed.

"Well, _because._" he said.

"Because _what_?" Envy asked.

"Because the one I love is you, Envy!" Near cried and fell to his knees in shame.

Envy was utterly shocked and had his wide mouth open in surprise.

"W-what?!" Envy stuttured in disbelief. "You _love_ me?!"

"Listen, Near, I am really flattered, but since you love me, don't you want me to be happy with Mello and lemons?" Envy said to Near.

"Ugh, yes, but it's complicated!" Near said with annoyed. "Now stop quistioning my love or else I'll call in my _other _back-up team!"

"Ugh not _those _retards!" Envy said with fear, but Near had already summoned...

Ch5

L and Matt appeared and they were holding water guns.

"This is my _other _backup team, they're not as retarded as the other ones." Near said.

"And what the hell are they for?!" Envy said crossly.

"They're going to take you away...away from Mello and into hiding with me...and you will be mine!" Near said and twirled a strand of his hair.

BUT _THEN_, Roy Mustang and Edward Elric appeared and started throwing water balloons at everyone.

"Mello, I will let you escape with Envy and the lemons." Matt said to Mello.

"What? But aren't you in Near's back up team?" Mello said, surprised.

"Yes, but you are my bestie _and I will not forget that you are my bestie."_ Matt said dramatically, then opened a portal for Mello and Envy and lemons.

"Aww thanks Matt, you'ree the best x" Envy and Mello said at together, then escaped through the portal and lived happily ever after.


End file.
